Silent Struggles: The Loneliness Epidemic and Your Health

Feeling lonely? Maybe it is hard to recognize or even harder to admit. Whichever the case, you are not alone. Rates of reported loneliness have been increasing for decades and numbers have dramatically sprung in recent years since 2020.

Many individuals know that loneliness and isolation are “not good” at the surface, but do people know the actual risks of loneliness and what causes it? Well, researchers from numerous disciplines have been working to answer these questions. 

According to data compiled from psychology and medical journals, many of the same findings occur: those who report feeling loneliness suffer from more health complications and earlier mortality than those who report social satisfaction. However, the reasoning is not clean cut or simple and for starters, loneliness seems to be somewhat subjective. Meaning, not everyone with a full social calendar is necessarily feeling emotionally connected and not everyone who appears less popular is lonely.

Before we jump into what we can do, let’s discuss how and why social connection impacts physical health so much since from what we are seeing, the impacts are much more than just “feeling good or being happy.” According to the Psychological Science journal, social connection affects our health through three main pathways: biological, psychological and behavioral.

Biological: Simply put, from a biological perspective, the feeling of loneliness sets off stress hormones in the body which cause inflammation and affect the gut micro-biome. This in itself increases the risk of many physical issues including cardiovascular disease, diabetes, infectious disease and cognitive function. However, the psychological and behavioral pathways only further these risks by providing less psychological motivation and poor coping strategies.

Psychological: Research from all over the world has found that the majority of people identify their close relationships as their “purpose” or greatest motivators. Meaning, people are more likely to hold themselves accountable to healthy habits and become more resilient when they are surrounded by loved ones.

Behavioral: Furthermore, being able to lean into these social supports provide opportunities for help during times of need and create healthier lifestyles. For example, you are more likely to go for evening walks if you have a partner to keep you company and you are more likely to take a vacation if you have a neighbor that will watch your pet. In fact, some research has even found that social support leads to personal economic growth by providing more career opportunities as well as boosts in motivation!

So now that we know how important it is to socialize, let’s do it, right? Well, you are not alone if you are thinking, “it is not that easy.” Many clients come to me feeling lonely and eager to create relationships, but struggle with getting started. A lot has changed in society over the past several decades making it difficult to socialize and build authentically strong relationships. The internet has certainly played a role in this by making it easier to stay at home and still have needs met: ordering groceries, working from home, watching television for entertainment etc. Furthermore, social media leads people to believe that having more followers is equal to more relationships, but that is far from the truth. At the same time, it is important to note that social standards have also changed over the years. It has become more and more common for people to prefer time spent alone, live alone, move away from hometowns and have preferences for being private which can make it hard to connect. 

Now what?

 As previously mentioned, quality over quantity matters most with social support. Not everyone you meet is going to become a best friend and different people are going to take on different social roles in your life naturally. In fact, it is best to have relationships of varying closeness where there are some friends who are very close and others who are simply acquaintances or friendly neighbors. For this reason, it is helpful to take the pressure off yourself to be liked by everyone or to have strong relationships with everyone. Instead, focus on general friendliness by smiling at people on walks and sparking up simple conversations at the grocery store. These small acts will not only set off oxytocin, a “feel good” hormone, but it will also open opportunities to create relationships which could blossom in time.

As for existing relationships, small acts of kindness can go a long way. Checking in on long-distance friends and offering support to someone who just had a baby are some quick examples. Having a general sense of openness allows friends and family to open up to you as well. This however, is not always easy. If you find that you struggle with opening up to people or you are feeling chronically alone, it can be helpful to meet with a therapist who can help you identify your unique habits and thought patterns that are holding you back so you can live a truly fulfilling life.