How to Create Goals That Will Actually Make You Feel Better
Oh, January—the time when so many of us feel inspired to finally take action on the things we’ve been thinking about. We’ve purchased gym memberships, stocked the fridge with fresh greens, and drafted ambitious plans. Yet, why do so many New Year’s resolutions fail? One of the key reasons comes down to understanding your “why.”
First, let me start by saying this: It’s absolutely okay if you don’t want to set New Year’s goals. Contrary to what social media might lead you to believe, it’s perfectly fine to feel content with your current life or to continue working on the goals you’ve already set. However, if you’re interested in channeling energy toward a goal or two, I invite you to keep reading.
Why Some Goals Leave You Feeling Empty
There are plenty of tools to help you achieve your goals (and we’ll get to that shortly), but as a therapist, I believe it’s more important to focus on how your goals make you feel in the long term. Do they leave you feeling fulfilled, healthy, and accomplished—or just empty?
Consider this: Have you ever finally achieved something you worked hard for, only to still feel terrible afterward? Unfortunately, this is more common than you’d think. It often happens because the goals were created out of desperation rather than inspiration.
Desperation-driven goals are typically rooted in external validation or a desire to appease others. For example:
• “I want to lose weight so my partner finds me more attractive.”
• “I want to make more money so I can buy a designer handbag and look cool.”
There’s nothing inherently wrong with weight loss or buying luxury items, but if the why behind these goals is external validation, achieving them will rarely bring true satisfaction. Why? Because the deeper, unresolved beliefs about yourself remain unaddressed.
Shifting Toward Inspiration-Driven Goals
Let’s take a step back. Goals created out of inspiration come from a genuine curiosity and a desire for self-expansion. They’re rooted in internal motivation.
Let’s revisit the examples of losing weight and making money:
• Instead of trying to lose weight to look better to others, shift your focus to what working toward this goal will do for you. Will it increase your energy? Help you sleep better? Improve your mobility so you can enjoy life more fully?
• Instead of making more money to impress others, think about how it could enhance your life: Will it help you create opportunities, reduce stress, or provide more stability for your family?
By shifting your why to prioritize how the goal will enrich your life, you view the process through a more positive lens. And that perspective makes it far more likely you’ll stay motivated and feel fulfilled when you succeed.
3 Steps to Take Action
Now that you’ve identified your why, it’s time to take action! Here’s how:
1. Write Down Your Why
Your why is your anchor. Write it down so that when life gets hard (and it will), you can revisit it as a reminder of why you started.
2. Break Your Goals into Small Pieces
Big goals can feel overwhelming. For example, “I want to make an extra $10,000 this year” is daunting. But breaking it into smaller, actionable steps—like creating a budget, identifying new income streams, or setting monthly targets—makes it manageable and helps you track your progress. It is important to stay realistic during this phase. Identify goals that are objectively realistic for your circumstances.
3. Celebrate Every Step
Progress is progress, no matter how small. Did you start a spreadsheet to track your income? That’s worth celebrating! Small wins build momentum and keep you motivated for the long haul.
Figuring out your why takes time and reflection, but it’s worth the effort. Goals grounded in inspiration, not desperation, can transform your outlook, help you stay consistent, and leave you feeling genuinely accomplished.
So, before you buy the kale or start a new workout plan, take a moment to think about what truly inspires you—and let that be the foundation for goals that actually make you feel better.